27 marzo 2011

It was stupid to write you anything.
It was stupid to post that webcam picture of my face,
looking kinda pouty
cause i got home and was like
wow i really like you
but you kinda broke up with me
earlier tonight
before we even started,
cause now you'll know i was lying
8 hours ago when i said
it's okay, i understand.

it's not okay.
i do understand, intellectually,
but my heart doesn't get it.

i took something
to feign happiness
and it's stupid
cause it's not the same
as that feeling a few days ago of

do you still want to?
i mean, soon enough
it'll be really possibly strongly like a chance
that it could happen.

I kept acting like I wanted you
to get off the phone
and leave me alone
cause I was on my way out with friends
and feeling really like
I needed to keep a brave face
in front of them.
And you.

But I really wanted to go to my bed
and cry on the phone a lot
and confess how much I liked you
and what a serious let down this was.

Is maturity the part where I didn't say that,
or will it be the day that I don't doubt whether or not I should have said it?

Whatever, I'm going to sleep alone.
Maybe I'll see you April 15.
If I play my cards right.

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